How to Deal with Huge Toddler Meltdowns that Make You Cry Too

Toddlers and young kiddos have the life, don’t you think?

They have someone to cook for them, dress and bathe them, and meet any other needs they may have. But being so reliant on adults isn’t all fun and games. It can be downright frustrating for little ones. They just learned how to walk, but aren’t allowed to wander freely. They want to discover new things through touch, but often get yelled at for touching things they aren’t supposed to. And not to mention, their frequent accidents and messes because their fine motor skills aren’t developed.

Feeling frustrated and unable to express emotions can lead to HUGE meltdowns for toddlers. And if you’re a parent, chances are you’ve seen your fair share of emotional meltdowns and tantrums. Not only do we have to deal with our own stress, but we have to help our children handle theirs too. Meltdowns are like a sudden, explosive storm of BIG emotions – bigger emotions than little ones are capable of dealing with.

Here’s our 5 favorite ways of dealing with emotional meltdowns:

1. Avoid Meltdowns with Simple Choices & Distractions
   At the first signs of an oncoming tantrum, you can respond quickly to avoid a meltdown altogether. For example, if your child refuses to eat what you fixed, ask instead for them to choose what item to eat first. Simple choices activate the thinking brain. Distraction also activates the thinking brain. Curiosity catches the logical brain’s attention and releases dopamine into the brain!

2. Reasoning isn’t a Possibility
   Once a meltdown begins, a child’s limbic system (the emotional part of the brain) takes over. Their pre-frontal cortex, which is responsible for thinking and reasoning takes a back seat. You cannot reach their thinking brain with bargains, threats, questions, or anything else when a meltdown is in full swing. This reminds us that there is actually a physiological process going on during our kids’ meltdowns.

3. Help Restore Emotional Balance
   A meltdown is a signal for help. It’s a child’s way of telling us that they cannot cope or regulate their emotions by themselves. Holding or hugging your child close can activate their calming system and trigger oxytocin, which is the feel-good chemical that regulates emotions. Telling your child that you understand their feelings lets them know that you are there for them. They will feel safe and develop the pathways between their logical and emotional brain.

4. Stay Calm but Don’t Give In
   Toddlers learn so much from copying their parents, including the way a parent controls their emotions. If you stay calm during your child’s tantrum, you’re modeling how to face difficulties and upsetting circumstances without losing control. Plus, giving in encourages whatever behavior you are trying to stop. Remaining calm and firm will help ground you both!

5. Time-Out as a Last Resort
   Even if a tantrum starts as a means to get something, it can escalate into a strong, emotional storm that is beyond the toddler’s control. If a child is put in time-out, they will feel even more pain by being socially isolated. If a child learns early on that expressing big feelings results in parental punishment, they may resort to being compliant or defiant. Time-out is most effective when it’s used as consequence after a child has intentionally done something wrong.

Lastly, make sure to make time for yourself if you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed. You will have a larger capacity to handle and help your little one through big emotions when you aren’t in need of help yourself. And if you lose your patience, don’t feel guilty. We all have before. But every day is a new day to try again and we can teach our little ones that there’s always another chance to do things better.