7 Alternatives to Time-Outs

Did You Know These Existed?

Are you using the consequence of time-out but not seeing any results or positive behavior changes? Sometimes the 5-minute sit-down turns into a 30-minute power struggle. Well-meaning parents have used time-out as an alternative to physical punishments, like spanking. But time­-outs have no long-term benefits, and after all, parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.

And hey, if time-out is a tried-and-true method for you, we aren’t suggesting that you are doing anything wrong or should stop. But for some of us this method is ineffective and there are alternatives that exist that promote long-term goals of helping our children be emotionally stable, empathetic, and resilient.

1. Keeping the Attention Bucket Full
   Kids need attention. It’s a fact! If their attention bucket isn’t being filled often or with positive things, they will try to seek attention, even if it’s negative. The saying that “negative attention is better than no attention” rings true for kids. This doesn’t mean they need our constant attention 24 hours a day. But spending intentional, distraction free time with your child when you can will encourage them to cooperate.
   
   
2. Set Limits and Stick to Them
   Kids thrive on routine and structure. You don’t have to go overboard with lists of rules. Instead, focus on what’s important for your family in terms of ground rules. Make consequences of breaking those rules very clear. Consistency also helps! Follow through with the boundaries you have set.
   
   
3. Teaching Our Child How to Behave
   When we discipline our kids, we are trying to teach them right from wrong and how to act and how not to act. But punishments don’t teach these lessons. We need to instruct our kids how to behave and show them how to make better choices. You can even role play with your child to help them learn strategies of manners, sharing, being respectful, and more. You can even switch roles and let your little one direct you in making the right choice.
   
   
4. Redirect and Grant a Second Chance
   Have you ever been given a second chance and felt so grateful and relieved to have another opportunity to get things right? Giving our kids grace sometimes can help redirect their behavior and change it positively. For example, if you’re child paints on the table, ask them if they want to try again but on paper where they are supposed to paint.
   
   
5. Learning Positive Behavior through Choices
   An easy, yet powerful way to help your children learn how to make better choices is by reading stories with characters who make mistakes. Most times, kids will want to hear the same story again and again until they tire of it. This provides even more positive reinforcement of important lessons. Not to mention, you and your child will have quality time to connect and communicate.
   
   
6. The Two-Choice Option
   If your child is doing something completely unacceptable, you can provide them with two alternatives that are acceptable, safe, and respectful. This will redirect their behavior, and set both boundaries and expectations. And most importantly, let your child feel like they still have some control over their decisions.
   
   
7. Change the Scenery
   If your child is doing things inside that they shouldn’t be, change the scenery and remove the child from the misbehavior. If your child is coloring on the walls, explain firmly that they cannot color there but you can go outside and chalk on the sidewalk. If your child is throwing their toys all over the place, go outside to throw a ball to each other instead. Replace the wrong behavior with the right behavior. Going outside also gives you a chance to take deep breaths of fresh air, and calm down.

Each one of our children are so unique that these tools are not one size fits all. But it’s a list of ideas we hope you can expand on and add to your parenting tool box. Proactive tools tend to work well and make us and our children feel better when we focus on encouragement and learning instead of punishing. Your child is on your parenting journey with you and together you can learn how to navigate the challenges hand-in-hand.